The card game that Is My Life
by Demonshadows
Summary: Naruto wears the mask of a joker, so what if he suddenly decides to get serious? And what is up with this sudden increase in his intellect?
1. Chapter 1

Card Game: the Naruto story

Chapter one: The mask of the joker

I am the joker with my fake smile, my dopy looks, my scented flowers and my amusing act. I give a riddle, I say a rhyme, you laugh, you cry as my joker mask lies. I have blond hair they look and stare as me and my joker mask lies, a quick glare and I am out of there and as I die a little inside. Look at me, look at you. The fate of the world is in my hands but it is in your hands that the fate of me lies and though you laugh and though I cry I see myself die a little inside. My father opened the package, and took out the cards as fate slipped in a wild. I look at the deck as fate shuffles and as I lift my cards and look in surprise that there lays four jokers … I die inside.

My name is Naruto and I am the joker. I am the man who carries the weight of the world as a parting gift from my father and the beatings of a village from my mother. They say we jiinkuri (spelling) are the ultimate weapon, that we are tools that are supposed to be ruled by a village that hates us, that we are the human sacrifice of our generation… they tell us to bow down to their whims. I say fuck them. I am the joker, the wild card in the deck and I say they don't need us… no I say we the jiinkuri don't need them, we are our own people and we don't give a flying fuck about these pitiful excuses for human life. I am the joker and I will not bow down to any card in this deck called life. It is time that the jokers take what is there's and it is time that they stop laughing and it is time for me Naruto Uzumaki who wears the mask of the joker to get serious.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey hope you like the new chapter and thank you BethanyStormGal. Sorry this will take place after the VOTE. Please review. Also Naruto does lose the fight like in the anime.

Chapter 2: Self Realization

/ some shitty apartment in the bad part of the hidden village of the leaf/

A single figure could be seen on a dirty couch in a dirty rundown one bedroom apartment that had just the bare necessities. Meaning a refrigerator that barely worked, a cabinet that was infested with cockroaches and rats, a stove that had multiple burn marks on it and looked like no one has cleaned it in years, a dirty nasty old fold out bed, a closet full of orange monstrosities and a charred barely standing night stand that was as tall as the arm rest of the couch that had a brand new out of the pack playing cards and an old lamp on it, next to the lone figure who wasn't that tall maybe 5'2 when standing. It seemed that only the worst of the worst lived there who kami knows truly deserved to live in that shithole. Well the teenager who was barely fourteen lived there, alone and by himself. Some may think of him as the dead last, the dobe, the class clown, the weakling that every one needed to save and the nobody who couldn't do anything right. He called himself Naruto Uzumaki, a boy who once dreamed to be the Hokage only to find out that it was just that…only a dream. Naruto clicked the light on, and then clicked it off. It helped him to think. (Yes he does think)_ How did I lose to a fagot like Sauske_?! _I mean come on I was right there ready to plunge that fucking loser into fucking oblivion! And I was using Kyuubi for Kami sake, and what did that fagot have? A cursed seal you have got to be shitting me! Some human creation defeated a thing made by Kami himself! _Naruto stood violently forcing the couch to hit the wall and grabbed the lamp and threw it across the room in anger causing the bulb in the lamp to flicker before dying.

Naruto could feel a deep hidden anger rise in his chest but he didn't care his anger was just squashing all rational thoughts. He turned to his refrigerator and ripped off the door before pushing it over making it give a loud crash as it hit the floor before saying I had him…no! I had him! Now he's gone and I'll never have the chance again! Naruto picked up a broken part of metal in his hands that fell off the now broken refrigerator and started to hit the shit out of the already broken looking stove leaving cuts on his unprotected skin. Screaming words that would make Anko blush. Then as the stove was thoroughly destroyed he turned his sights to the night stand and threw the piece of now bloody metal shrapnel at the stand causing the stand to finally break scattering cards everywhere. Naruto stood there panting in the dark as the cards started their descent to the ground. Naruto walked to the couch after picking up the lamp and hoping he hadn't broken the bulb before setting it on the couches arm rest and in a believed futile effort tried to click it back on and to his surprise it turned on but that wasn't the surprise the surprise was the joker card that somehow appeared on his lap. Naruto couldn't help but laugh at the joke fate had seemed to play on him. As his laughter quieted down Naruto clicked the light off thinking. _This life is so horrible it's funny. The corrupt politicians, the naïve villagers, the stupid old man and the pathetic excuse of human life he once called friends who without hesitation stabbed him in the back. How I wish to make them pay! So they can laugh with me at this joke they call life. I feel pity for them… to be caged and sheltered from all forms of reality. If only they could see what I see! The unnecessary violence carried out in the names of people that don't even know what the color of blood is, the greed and lust of the common person that if left unchecked could lead to a serious crime, the envy of people with nothing, who envy the people that allow the materials they own, to own them and the fear that can drive a man, women or child to hurt and defile a child who could in no way or form protect himself. I want them to know! _Naruto thought violently. _I want them to see life as I see it as nothing but _

_a chained society, I want them to see and understand me, and I want them to feel what I feel every day when I have get up to meet an unappreciative team with a hypocritical sensei, when I have to tolerate the hate and abuse that the people I vowed to protect no less!... dish out to me on a daily basis and I want them to feel how I feel when I put on a joker mask just to hide the hope I have in my heart that I may actually die today, and as I destroy all the concepts of their reality to them, I will smile and laugh as the joke gets funnier and funnier and I shall do it all whit a joker mask a set of playing cards and a pocket full of dreams. _

/ the cage of the Kyuubi/

Kyuubi watched in horror as the image of her hosts mind warped and transformed into what looked like a toy factory. The machine's weren't on but the fact that her host's mind had changed so rapidly suggested that Naruto had just had a change of heart or should she say …mind.

/ END/

**Eh, I just have to leave it at this I want the next chapter to be a surprise and also who do you think should be Naruto's little partner in crime should be??**

**Hinata**

**Temari**

**Tenten**

**Kurenai**

**Anko**

**Or Shion (the one from the movie) **


	3. A meeting between a Joker and a fox

**Demonshadows: Hey I know that I update really fast but I hate it when people take three months to update a single story. I hope all you guys like this chapter it was a little difficult to put together. I do not own Naruto, Sweeny Todd or anything else except for my stories and ideas. Thank you and goodnight. **

Chapter 3: The mission

Naruto chuckled as his alarm clock finally rang its little gears out. He picked it up gently before violently throwing it against the wall sending its little gears everywhere. Needless to say he hadn't gotten much sleep last night due to the sounds of a girl giggling quite loudly like it was in his head… nah it couldn't be, the Kyuubi is a guy right? All he knew was that it was annoying like a bad joke. Well at least I got something done last night. Naruto looked at his now gloved hands, and the small air pump next to him and grinned. Naruto's musings were interrupted by a small tapping at the window, where a messenger bird sat. Naruto smirked as he took the message from the bird before kicking it's ass out into the air where it gave a hateful screech, that resembled the sound of a certain pink haired ninja, while he laughed at its misfortune… kind of like his friends did when he would pretend to stumble or trip. Then the bird took off back to whatever hell it came from. Naruto calmed himself down before opening the message reading the elegant handwriting of a woman.

_Naruto,_

_You are requested by your kage to meet within my office for an important mission. You have until 3 P.M or else this mission will be assignment will be given to another shinobi. _

_Your lord kage,_

_Tsunade_

Naruto's face lit up in a vicious maniacal grin before snapping his thumb and forefinger crating a small but strong spark that lit the rice paper parchment in an instant. Naruto threw the burning letter out of the window and laughed in triumph thinking _I shall try out my new inventions and I shall prove to everyone that life as they know it is nothing but a cruel masquerade, where only the greedy thrive and the weak live if only barely. Yes I will show them, I will reveal this masquerade as the sin of ignorance it is. _Naruto looked at the gloves he had customized it wasn't that hard really. All he had to do was use the gloves that that old fool had given him on his tenth birthday. They were big for him when he was that age but the old man said he'd grow into it and yeah he was right he did. It wasn't uncomfortably tight but it was just tight enough to make sure it wouldn't come off without some soap. And then he grinded some flint into powder and finally adding two thin layers of it on his thumbs and forefinger, thus allowing him to emits sparks. But for what? You may ask. Well it only took about an hour to brain storm this but he suddenly remembered something from his academy days when Iruka told the class how their people used to make a certain powder that would explode when ignited called dynamite that was three times more dangerous and powerful, before they created exploding tags. Naruto now had a formula and plan on how to combine it all in one single invention. All he needed was the gloves, the dynamite, a couple small rolls or highly flammable paper and gas soaked strings. He also decided to have a back up if he was ever cornered or being interrogated which came in the form of a flower.

Naruto wasn't the inept fool that everyone thought could only scream at the top of his lungs and run head strong into a dangerous situation. He enjoyed life and all its splendors including the finer 

things, for instance growing and planting the most dangerous plants in all the village of the leaf. He had to get money somehow, so he figured selling dangerous poisons in a ninja village would rake in a lot of money and he was right he had sixteen buyers and not all of them in the leaf. His poisons were so popular in the fact, that no one has ever lived after being scratched by a weapon coated in his poisons. So to help supply the "War Effort" he changed the roof top of the abandoned apartment building to a green house, crossbreeding some and selling others. He crossbreed things that would be suicidal to other "normal" people but he was the fucking Jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune who's body created antibodies of all the poisons he made, meaning that if anyone wanted to be cured they needed his blood. Needless to say that he grinded the most deadly poisons together into a powder and filled a small air pump that when squeezed would expel all the poison around him in a ten foot radius. He called the new poison death's touch, it was tasteless odorless and it was hard to see unless you could see the small particles which no one would be able to see in a battle or would see it too late, it was undetectable. And all that death in a pump was disguised as a small Sakura flower.

Naruto was now focusing on the hard part of his new wardrobe turning the hideous monstrosities he used to wear into a thing of comfort and stealth. Naruto picked up a pair of tongs and as if he was handling the most dangerous substance known to mankind and took out the orange jumpsuit and tossed it on his bed. Naruto sighed in a comical fashion and took out giant scissors and said I will make you beautiful. I will make you my armor and you will be my perfect invention. Now Naruto was alone for most of his life so he had to learn and teach himself to repair clothes and being as weak and defenseless as he was, he had a lot of practice after constant mob beatings. (Now I know this is weird but I thought it fit into the story. Now the rhythm will be like in Sweeny Todd where Todd is singing about how he lost his wife but with some changes so it can fit Naruto's profile. Also if you have not heard the rhythm than go to YouTube and listen to it then come back and read) Naruto snipped the jump suit and sang "there once was a boy and his life… and he was beautiful. A foolish boy and his life and it were beautiful. And his life was horrible, and he was….naive" Naruto's eyes flashed red as he continued. "There was someone else with his life, and with a twitch of his claw, tore the boy from his life! And left him…dead" Naruto looked at the half finished orange suit and took the air pump that was half full of death's touch or DT for short, and sewed it into the fabric. Naruto suddenly and abruptly felt an earth shattering head ache erupt causing him to fall to his knees. Suddenly unconsciousness smothered him in its warm embrace.

/ Naruto's Mindscape/

Naruto opened his eyes and almost laughed he was in some abandoned toy factory! How fucked up was he? Naruto surveyed his surroundings and found that he was really all alone until his eyes landed on a huge cage and Kyuubi looked… cute? Naruto couldn't help himself he laughed. There was THE Kyuubi on HER back. (Naruto finally understood why the hidden village of the leaf was attacked. Because he concluded that all the men in the village were perverts so she attacked the leaf because she hates perverts) sleeping and she was purring and whimpering in her sleep with her left foot twitching every now and then. At the sounds of his laughter the Kyuubi awoke still half asleep saying who dere? Who dere? In an upmost feminine voice that sounded like it belonged to a goddess. Naruto laughed harder falling out of his chair and rolling on the floor trying to get some air back into his lungs. Kyuubi focused on her jailor and in a rational women question screamed what the fuck are you doing here you stupid flesh bag? And while screaming she forgot to sound like a dude. Naruto suddenly stopped and looked at her and said in a serious tone you are a female and you were sleeping weird so it was funny to me, now if you excuse me I want to laugh a little more. As he finished she blushed a crimson red which was visible 

to him, which only served him to laugh harder. H-hey s-shut up you stupid human it's not my fault I sleep like that. Naruto started to calm down and said y-you are so fucking hilarious you know that little Kyu-chan. Kyuubi grew several tick marks on her head and said I am not little you little fagot I am bigger than you. Ah it's all jokes Kyu-chan. Naruto then thought _women they think all men are idiots because we joke around all the time and when they get all mad about taking things seriously and were like there is a time to be serious and that's with enemies and most guys don't hang with their enemies like girls do. And then they question why we never open up to them, and I'm like dude relax if you want me to open up to you fine just don't scream at me cause I have a hangover from yesterday. _Naruto was rudely interrupted from his mental ravings when Kyuubi said I heard everything you thought. Naruto sweat dropped and laughed nervously asking so what's up? Why said this place look different?

Kyuubi looked hard at the boy in her opinion and said you can drop the mask in front of me flesh bag I know u recently went through a little… change. Naruto's face instantly became harsh and unforgiving and his eyes screamed rage, pain and sorrow, with a little bit of insane humor. And in a cold tone said the world is corrupt now Kyuubi, the shinobi are becoming arrogant in their skills, the Hokages are becoming weaker and weaker every generation and the civilians are becoming more pompous, stupid, prideful and most of all greedy. I fear that if things go unchanged the world of the Shinobi goes unchanged than we will forever lose it, I am pretty sure that one of those foolish villagers has asked Hinata's hand in marriage and I will not allow that to pass no matter what. Kyuubi held a glint of mischief in her eyes and said it seems that you like this girl. Naruto's eyes suddenly gained a cold sad edge and his voice became hard but lonely as he said she was the only one who was ever really treated me kindly… the least I can do is repay the favor and ensure that she will be married to one worthy of my praise. Kyuubi laughed a soft laugh and said who would be her suitor? You a pathetic bag of flesh? Or do you have someone else in mind? Naruto let loose a considerate amount of killing intent which made Kyuubi shiver and his voice became as cold as ice and as hard as steel saying you have no right to talk about Hinata you _**Demon. **_Kyuubi felt the room freeze and the factory began to ice over showing the unquestioning idea that fucking with Naruto was a bad fucking idea.

Naruto turned and sat in his chair facing the evil fox and said I plan to do the world a favor Kyuubi. I plan to do the world a big favor. Kyuubi looked in the slightly mental teen and asked what plan? Naruto gave his maniacal grin and said to make someone strong you have to put an obstacle in his path, so that is what I intend to do Kyuubi. I plan to create and obstacle so large that it will endanger the world as we know it forcing and reinforcing the fact that survival of the fittest will choose who lives and who dies. Oh Kyuubi if you could see it as I see it you would laugh in happiness. I will bring them blood, I will bring them death, I will bring them pestilence and I will bring them the truth. Kyuubi looked at the boy in a new found respect he out of all the humans she had met was the most reasonable, as a creation of kami she understood that her existence was to prove that humans still needed to retain their humbleness and their selfishness; but this boy… no this man was proposing to do what no one else had the courage to do. Play the bad guy so that the good guys will retain their strength. She only had one question. How are you going to accomplish this? Naruto's grin grew wider and said I am the Joker Kyuubi free from all rules and regulations and what else to bring the world into prosperity then bringing together the nine Jinchuuriki together into one group and letting the Jokers finally show the world that their puny little insignificant world was filled with nothing but lies, self pity, hate, anger, envy, lust, pride, gluttony, and worst of all **Arrogance. **The arrogance to think that just because you are part of a well known family that you can do anything, the arrogance you get when you have a good weapon, the arrogance of people to look down on the people that serve them, the arrogance to think that a commoner is weak just because that person is a commoner, and I HATE the arrogance to think that because of your social status you deserve everything. Together Kyuubi no one not even Akatsuki can 

stop us from attaining our dreams. But first we need the other wild jokers in this game we call life so we can trump all those kings and queens that think that they are the highest cards. Kyuubi had to admit the man in front of her had a way with words, and it made her have the slightest bit of confidence that he could actually succeed where no human could before; he would be the ultimate "Bad Guy" in this little game of his called life. Kyuubi grinned and asked when do you plan on leaving? Naruto grinned and said soon. The factory came to life as his body seemed radiated an insane happiness around him giving Kyuubi a small cold shiver.

/End/

**Demonshadows: Hey, that's it for this chapter please update again and it seems that Hinata is winning with Anko just behind. I'll see what I can do for the next chapter if you have any recommendations than you can voice them to me. All right goodnight. **


	4. The mission

**Demonshadows: what's up? Just got done with Another chapter of Naruto: the ice cold Tamer so yeah I am working on this one now. Remember I don't own anything but my ideas and my stories and nothing else. So have fun with this new chapter of the card game that is my life. If the song is confusing then just skip it. **

Regular: speaking/ or singing

_Kyuubi will have her talking or singing like this peace_

_**They are talking at the same time or singing whatever.**_

**Naruto when he sings with Kyuubi**

_**This/ this means that they are singing two different things at one time, but they are singing similar. Listen to the song or else you'll get confused. **_

Chapter 4: The laughter of a crazy man

Naruto awoke in a daze the memory of his meeting with Kyuubi still fresh in his mind running over and over until he remembered he had a suit to finish. Naruto looked out of his window and it seemed that it was only 2 p.m which gave him an hour to finish his suit, more than enough time. Naruto finished his sewing in ten minutes and dunked it into a vat of black clothing dye, smiling manically as his suit was almost complete. After a quick thirty minutes Naruto pulled his suit out drying it with a low level katon jutsu which he learned from the perverted hermit.( it looks like the joker's suit in the new one but is all black.) Naruto looked at his new suit lovingly and said now it is time to get serious.

Naruto took out a brush and ink and a little notebook that held notes on seals that he stole from the hermit when he was peaking on young woman but he disguised it as an attempt to prank the old man who didn't even know he had stolen it. Naruto flipped through page after page before finding what he needed. Naruto grinned at the book and started painting seals among seals with a steady hand making sure it was all n the right spot. As he finished he bit his thumb and drew the last seal with his blood making sure that this seal was perfect. Naruto laced his right hand with chakra and said let there be life. Naruto slammed his hand onto the seals and whispered "Forbidden art of sealing: Cloth of the gods." A bright flash of white illuminated the room as the suit floated a few feet above the bed before finally falling lifelessly on the bed the seals glowed blood red before vanishing into the cloth. Naruto grinned manically and said "the sealing was complete."

Naruto jumped up and down and joylessly, punching an invisible enemy before he looked at the suit getting serious. ( another thing from Sweeny Todd you know the part where Todd gets his razors back. Remember I don't own anything. Notice that it holds to the song similarly but I added and replaced some parts to fit the story) Naruto touched the smooth cloth and said "the seals have made you stronger, yes? allowed you the honor to protect me, yes? and… it has allowed you the ability to regenerate… like me my friend."

"**This is my friend, see how he glistens, see this one shine, how he smiles in the night,… my friend, my faithful friend. speak to me, friend … whisper, I'll listen. I Know you were abused, disgrace and ignored, all these years! Like me! my friend… well I've come home, to find you waiting. Home, and we're together… and we'll do wonders. Won't we? You there, my friend?… Kyuubi."** Naruto didn't expect the fox to reply but she did, with her beautiful voice that rang out like an angel. Naruto grabbed the suit and looked at it with a look of tenderness before continuing with Kyuubi "_I'm your friend too, Uzumaki" , _**"come let me hold you"**_…"if only you knew, Uzumaki" , __**"ooh Uzumaki/ now with a sigh you're warm in my hands." "**_**My friends!" , **_**"**__You've come home!"_ **"My clever friends."** "_Always I had a fondness for you… I did." _Naruto and Kyuubi took a gasp for air and sang in perfect harmony Naruto continued as Kyuubi caught her breath singing **"Rest now my friends**,**" **"_Never you fear , Uzumaki" , __**"**_**Soon you will aid me", **"_your safe here, Uzumaki," __**"soon you'll splendors you have never dreamed all your days, will be yours!" **_**"my lucky friend" **"_I am your friend to and you're mine!" __**"Doesn't it shine greatness/beautiful?" "**__Your good enough for me…Naruto." "Naruto Uzumaki." _Naruto gently smiled and whispered/sang **"Friends you shall drip rubies, you'll soon drip…precious rubies… Kyuubi" **Naruto stood tall as he looked out his windows at the village he was going to teach , his eyes showing madness before saying"AT LAST! I AM COMPLETE!" Naruto started to laugh maniacally as he thought of all the pain he was going to dish out to all the "special ed" Shinobi.

/ thirty minutes before the meeting/

Naruto was making good time as he slipped on the his jet black suit looking at himself in the bathroom mirror. "something is missing" Naruto whispered. Suddenly he smirked and reached for the oil that he used to clean his weapons and coated his hands. Naruto lifted his cold hands and pulled them though his hair finally taming his once wild hair into a smooth business like manner.( imagine Hannibal lectors hair style when he was young) Naruto grinned and said " today I shall show this village, I'll show this country and I will show this world that Fucking with a joker is not a good way to get some laughs," Naruto attached his kunai pouch onto the back of his belt hiding it from view as he pulled on his matching jacket he made from another old jumpsuit by cutting off the top from the middle and dyed it black. Naruto tied on steeled toed Shinobi boots and slipped on his gloves and said " Come on leaf laugh with me as I tell you another joke"

/ Hokage tower thirty minutes later/

Naruto walked down the hall ways of the Hokage tower not really caring who he bumped into thinking " _I_ _didn't care if I got into every ones face or if I bumped into any of these shit bags. Yes I am a demon carrier, yes I look different, yes I have a crazed look in my eyes, yes I am thinking of murdering every one and everything…, yes I am comfortable with that." _Naruto smirked as he neared the doors leading to the Hokage office before pushing the double oak doors that stood between him and his mission. As Naruto entered he said " you have called and I have answered Hokage-sama now who needs to be… _eliminated._" Tsunade could only stare shocked at the new Naruto as well as Kurenai who was also called to go on a mission with him.

Naruto grinned and saluted saying "what is the mission Sir!?" Tsunade suddenly fell off her chair and kurenai could only stare in shock. Naruto sighed and drooped his shoulders and covered his eyes with one hand comically before yelling at them like he didn't know they were deaf "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU CALL ME FOR? CAUSE I SWEAR TO MYSELF IF ALL YOU DID WAS CALL ME TO STARE AT ME I WILL KILL YOU!" With that statement Tsunade finally got up from the floor and said " relax Naruto we were just a little… surprised about your new wardrobe and I can't help but ask why are you dressed like that?" Naruto took off his jacket and threw it on a coat post and pulled up his sleeves before turning the simple wooden chair in front of him around and sitting on it, putting a hand underneath his chin and said " The reason for my recent change is none of your business Hokage-sama but if you must know, I changed because I think that it suits me and because I like it." Naruto's eyes turned hard and serious as he asked " what is the mission Hokage-sama? If you have nothing then I have no reason to stay here." Tsunade's eyes grew serious and said " I have one mission I want you and Kurenai to go on since you seem so… ready to learn about the ninja world." Tsunade threw a mission scroll at him and said "you both leave tonight at 1600 hours." Naruto grinned as both kurenai and himself yelled "Hai Hokage-sama!" before getting off the chair and walking out of the office tugging the jacket off of the coat post whispering " and here, we, go." as he closed the door.

Kurenai was about to leave via Shushin but was stopped as Tsunade ordered her to stay put. Kurenai nodded and sat where Naruto was sitting before and asked " what is troubling you Tsunade-sama?" Tsunade pulled out a second scroll and said " your mission is to observe Naruto Uzumaki as he and you go on this mission." Kurenai held a questioning look at her superior and asked "why?" Tsunade stood and walked to the window staring at the village she was brought back to protect and said " I want to make sure that Naruto knows the truth about the Ninja world if he is to ever bring back Sasuke and so he can be strong for this village." Kurenai frowned and asked " are you doing this for Naruto or for the council Tsunade-sama?"

Tsunade turned her head to look at Kurenai and said " I do this for the village Kurenai, Akatsuki is gaining momentum, sound is getting more soldiers each day, stone, mist, and even cloud are amassing their forces and what do we have? We have a force of a thousand strong, we have sand with a force of maybe eight, nine hundred. We have a neutral ally of wave, spring country is still in a depression and we have a Jinchuuriki that can't kill this mission will make him kill and after he realizes what we are up against his little hero streak will make him work himself into a living weapon and with the power of the most strongest demon inside of him he will crush all those that oppose us." Tsunade fully turned to her and said "when he kills for the first time I want to know his reaction and when he comes home I want to know how he'll respond to this information and what he'll do." Tsunade sat at her desk again and said "leave Kurenai and don't fail me." Kurenai hesitantly nodded and left without a word.

Tsunade pulled out a bottle of sake and poured herself a drink looking now at the setting sun. she looked down at her cup and a silent tear fell into the warm drink before she whispered " I am sorry Naruto I never meant for this to happen, all I wanted was to protect everyone and now I have to choose whether your life that has been nothing but shit is worth protecting the very people who caused it." Tsunade knocked the bottle of sake off the table and threw the sake cup at the opposite wall in a fit of rage before putting her face in her hands crying for the sad little boy who was about to do what would change his life. Little did she know that Naruto wasn't the innocent little boy she thought he was but in fact he was created to be just the monster she thought she was building by the villagers.

/ Done?/

**Demonshadows: that's the end for now so yeah review if you want and i finally used these ""so please don't get on my case anymore about this shit i got about fifteen reviews saying use these "". so for the love of all that is holy!... stop. okay then now that we got that over with goodnight. **


	5. shuffeling the cards

**Demonshadows: hey I have been lazy for the last week. I have been very tired lately but I guess I can write another chapter for you guys. So yeah, remember I don't own anything except my ideas and my story. Goodnight.**

**Naruto singing**

_Anyone else who sings_

Chapter 5: shuffling the deck

Naruto waited for Kurenai at the northern gates as the sun was falling slowly and the animals of the night were rising. Naruto grinned to at the passerby's especially the people that glared, insulted or spat at him. He could barely hold in his laughter as he saw a drunk trying to throw a bottle at him only for Naruto to swipe his hand in a fast jerk like motion splitting the bottle in half. Strangely though the drunk froze for a moment before his hand split from his middle finger going straight up his wrist, forearm, bicep and stopping at his shoulder. Naruto only grinned as the man fell screaming bloody murder. Coincidently Kurenai showed up at this time shocked at what Naruto had done but before she could question his actions Naruto started walking out of the gates whistling a soft tune that she couldn't recognize. Kurenai suddenly realized that Naruto was disappearing in the dark light and quickly ran to catch up with the boy wondering how he would be able to handle his first kill, a mob boss no less, at a birthday party for his three year old son.

Naruto was rather cheerful really today he would shuffle the deck that was leaf and make sure that people knew that the joker was finally starting to show it's true self. Naruto pulled out his new deck off cards and started shuffling the deck relentlessly barely able to contain his excitement. Suddenly Kurenai appeared next to him an annoyed expression pasted on her face before saying " if we keep waking we will not make our deadline." Naruto frowned at her and said " the deadline is in two days, it takes three days to get to Kumo." Naruto then grinned comfortably and said playfully " but hey if you want to get there fast then you can just go fuck yourself because this is my mission and your just here to see how I react." and without a final word Naruto put his cards in a hidden pocket and jumped into the trees making Kurenai lose sight of him.

Kurenai frowned before jumping into the trees trying to catch up with the enigma that was Naruto Uzumaki, hoping that he didn't know the whole truth about her mission. Naruto smiled a small smile at the feeling of momentary freedom not even realizing that he was speeding up, the wind tugging at his black jacket or the background blurring underneath him. All that concerned him was the mission and teaching Kurenai a lesson. Yes Kurenai was a jounin, but she like a lot of jounin let their rank cloud their actual skill level, Naruto had personally believed that anyone could beat anyone on a good day that was real life. Any blind deaf old fool can kill a man with a kunai, any half witted gennin could master kage bushin in a matter of three hours with enough chakra and determination, but it takes a real ninja to sneak into a mob bosses home and assassinate him in front of all the known families planning on being there without being detected.

Naruto felt the card deck in his pocket, even if they looked ordinary there was a thin sheet of steel on it's edges and they were very sharp but the odd part of the deck was that it only had red jokers in it. Naruto had decided that it would be his calling card (excuse the pun) to all those who would see them in his targets bodies and unspoken challenge to find him. Naruto stopped on a tree branch waiting for the Kurenai to catch up, if he wanted her to learn a lesson then she should be there ready to learn and not late to class.

Kurenai finally caught up to the little bastard huffing and puffing a s she finally stopped leaning on the tree next to him shooting him with angry glares. Naruto turned to look at her and said " You are ranked jounin and yet you have gennin like tai and ninjutsu plus you have the stamina of a gennin. Bet your easy in bed." Naruto dodged a crappy swipe of a kunai by Kurenai and grabbed her wrist turning her around and pushing her face first into the tree holding both her arms together and the kunai to her throat. Naruto held her close and whispered in an angry tone into her ear " the scent of sex and smoke is thick on your Kurenai, what were you doing while I waited for you for an extra thirty minutes Kurenai?… did you so it to piss me off or was it because you thought you might not come back if I went berserk. I hate liars… I hate ninja's and I hate the _**leaf**_ _**Kurenai.**_" Kurenai struggled to get free from him but Naruto pushed her harder into the tree stopping her struggles saying " I may be young Kurenai but I know the world better than adults, I've seen horrors that would make you wake up in a cold sweat screaming for mercy, _oh you better believe it Kurenai_, I've seen shit that would make you beg for me to kill you here and now. You haven't been where I've been Kurenai." Naruto chuckled darkly into her ear and whispered harshly " dear Kami Kurenai you don't know where I've been, dear kami _kurenai,_ YOU DON'T KNOWWHERE I HAVE BEEN!" Naruto relaxed his hold on her before letting her go completely turning his back at her and walking over to the edge of the branch and sitting down saying "this world is hell Kurenai and the is nothing that anyone can do about it."

Kurenai turned to face the back of Naruto breathing hard as her heart was slowly coming down from the attack on her by her "comrade" but she knew that all he has said was true. She had known his life and had seen him being beaten to hell while she stood by watching a boy no older than four getting the beating of a century and that wasn't the first time she had stood and watched his eyes flicker at her begging for help but she stood there…watching. Kurenai's eyes flashed in pity and she felt like she needed to at least make sure he saw the beauty of the world and not just it's horrors. **( here's another song from Sweeney Todd so yeah I don't own shit except my ideas and my stories) **

"_I have seen the world and it's wonders, from the hokage tower to the mountains of Kumo, but there is no place like __Konohagakure. _We stand for what's right Naruto that is why there is no place like ." Naruto continued her sentence "Konohagakure" Naruto turned his head to look at her before standing up and saying " you are young, life has been kind to you … you will learn. Naruto turned to her a look of purpose along with insanity shinned in his eyes and sang " there is a hole in the world like a great black pit and the vermin of the world inhabit it, and it's morals aren't worth what a pig could spit and it goes by the name of Konohagakure. At the top of the hole sit a privileged few making mock of the of the vermin in the lonely zoo turning beauty to filth and greed… I too have seen the world and it's wonders, for the cruelty of man is as wondrous as the sea, but there's no place like Konohagakure!"

Naruto turned away from her again as saying " it's time Kurenai… don't slow me down." Naruto once again jumped into the foliage and left a bewildered Kurenai behind.

/ a day later/

Naruto stood in the surrounding forest of the giant traditional manor of the Shinai crime family with kurenai resting in a nearby tree. He had forced her to keep up at his pace to further show that she wasn't what her rank said she was. Now he was planning on when and how he was going to crash the party, right now he had decided to go with two options. One use the ninja way and finish him quick and clean or his way meaning making a big scene and kill everything. He liked the second option and decided he would strike in the middle of the party when everyone was drunk of their asses. Naruto looked at the tree opposite of him and grinned thinking _"poor Kurenai she will have to see me massacre a whole family._" Meanwhile in his mind.

/ Mindscape/

Kyuubi smiled a beautiful smile full of hate and joy at her jailors new found bloodlust and madness. Hate because this bloodlust shockingly turned her on which had never happened before and it was a human who was causing the wetness between her legs and the fact that she had nothing to "scratch" the "itch" with. leaving a very sexually frustrated Kitsune demon queen to sit moaning for her jailor to release the pressure within her burning body. She also felt joy because she was going to be able to watch her sexy, insane… hot, muscular, and oh so perfect jailor do what he did best, bathe In the blood of all those that opposed him and the thought of her joining him lit her blood on fire, fueling her lust for her jailor.

**Demonshaodws: hey done with the shuffling, later let's see how the cards are passed around I hope you guys like this chapter. I'll see ya later. Goodnight.**


	6. dealings

**DemonShadows: hey I am back again and I'll make this chapter as good as I can peace and goodnight. Remember that I don't own anything just my ideas and my stories.**

Chapter 6: The dealing

/ 9 P.M _assassination target : boss/ any one who gets in their way. Predicted time of kill: _9:30 P.M, Naruto's time… now./

Naruto grinned as he saw the party settling down as all the guest were as drunk as shit, since he had tipped a little of not poison per say but something he grew just for special occasions… such as a party. It was a plant whose seeds could be turned into alcohol that was ten times stronger than pure grade Sake. Naruto turned to his partner as she asked " Why are we still waiting Naruto?" Naruto grinned and said " your right Kurenai, now is the time but, you shall stay here and make sure by some twist of fate the target gets outside."

Kurenai nodded and jumped into the shadows, disappearing from view. Naruto put his hands in a familiar hand sign and whispered Kage bushin, resulting in fifty copies of Naruto showing up without a sound grinning as if they were going to pull off the greatest prank in the world and not going to slaughter an entire family. Naruto unsealed fifty clown masks saying " This continent needs a decent villain… and tonight we are going to give it to them." The Naruto's chuckled and put on there masks before they jumped into the large lawn and running to crash the party.

Kurenai watched fifty or so clown's running across the lawn and almost tried to stop them but she realized that it was Naruto and held back but this was an assassination mission not an assault mission. She sat there for ten minutes or so before she decided to check out what the fuck he was doing, she manipulated her chakra into her legs and took off to see what the hell Naruto was doing. Before she knew it she watched some crazy shit going down.

/ ten minutes ago/

_Naruto stood outside the door and said " time for the operation: time to fuck them up the ass. They nodded as they held back there laughs and pulled out of their specialized air powered metal tubes that held a small box with a spring in it that held twelve small metal ball that were sealed in a small capsule with some small low powered explosive tags that would activate when the flint and metal at the base of the metal tube struck together, causing the small edge of the tag to light causing the tags to exploded and send the metal ball into a persons body breaking bones and puncturing lungs. Basically something that could allow the user off the weapon to rule the world. And all that power was in the hands of a less than normal human, hell bent on teaching the world a lesson that would result in death and destruction._

_Naruto pulled out his own genius unique nightingale or GUN for short that was different than the rest of his clones. It's barrel was twelve inches long, had a cartridge of twenty shells, a firing rate of six shot's per second, had a low heating rate, a pure black coat that swallowed all light, had the figure of a red nine tailed fox engraved into the top of the barrel down to the hilt, and it had a smooth oak wood handle that fit his hand just right. Naruto grinned and said " let's go and budged into the room shooting the gun causing the people to hide under their tables as he Said " Hello Ladies and gentle men, we are tonight's entertainment." One of the guards pulled his sword but a clone pulled his trigger and blew a hole right through him causing blood and guts onto one of the drunker ladies who immediately sobered up screaming. _

_Naruto turned to ten of his clones and nodded they nodded back before they started to run deeper into the mansion. Naruto then turned his gaze on the crowd and picked out the don of the family grinning seeing him so drunk off his ass that he didn't even realize that this was the night they were going to die. Naruto grinned as he leveled his gun at the man and said let the fireworks commence. This was the scene that Kurenai came upon._

_/ regular time/ _

Kurenai watched in awe and shock as the weapons Naruto used tore through the family and turned the room into a butcher house. As the firing stopped Naruto dismissed the clones around him and walked around the room with a Kunai killing all those who somehow managed to stay alive. Naruto suddenly looked up at the window into Kurenai's eyes which showed the disgust, anger and complete revulsion she held for him while his eyes showed hate, anger and complete happiness towards his mission. Kurenai finally realized that he was looking at her and ran. Naruto turned to the doorway that his ten other clones came out of holding three suit cases before they dispelled.

Naruto sealed the cases in his mind before he high tailed it the fuck out of there thinking about what to do with Kurenai. As soon as he jumped over the small hedge of the lawn the house exploded destroying all within. Naruto jumped into a tree and turned to look at the flaming mansion and started to laugh hysterically until he remembered that anyone could see this fire in a ten mile radius and started to run and catch up to Kurenai before she spilt the beans.

Kurenai didn't know how long she had been running but she needed to tell Tsunade about it. She stopped on a branch and put her back to the trunk of the tree trying to catch her breath back. She turned her head to look and see if Naruto was following her but seeing none she sighed in relief ad turned back only to come face to face with the man who was now her darkest fear. Without a word Naruto pinned her against the tree and had his gun to her temple.

They stood there for awhile before Kurenai asked " why did you kill the whole family? Some of them were innocent."

Naruto's usually hard eyes turned soft for a second as he said " A family raised in hell will burn in hell Kurenai. Just because they were children doesn't mean that they would grow up into saints, they would've grown up into the very image of their parents and kill many other people." Kurenai turned her face but Naruto forced her to look into her eyes and asked " what is the life of fifty to the lives, health, integrity and prosperity of a nation? Tell me Kurenai, would you kill children if you knew that they would grow into bigger monsters than their parents? That is why I murdered a family Kurenai and why I stole everything with their names on it.

Kurenai's eyes widened in shock and horror at the surprise question and suddenly she had doubts invade her mind. _would I do it? Would I kill a child? Would it be right to kill a child even though he or she might grow into monsters. _Her musings were cut off as Naruto said " the world you know is a lie Kurenai, the air you breathe, the people you see, the things you hear is all fabricated by the council, Tsunade is a figure head who is stuck with all the paper work of the council and the pitfall woman for any of their schemes that goes wrong. We are now the only two people who are not under the control of the council and who are not totally brainwashed."

Kurenai turned away she didn't want to face the possible truth that everything she knew that was a lie. Her thoughts running faster than Gai on a crack binge. The stress was killing her and she could barely think straight now finally she just snapped yelling " why should I listen to you , your nothing but a stupid man who thinks that what he does can be easily forgiven with a single reason!… tell me you son of a bitch!" Naruto's eyes hardened pressing the gun closer to her head which made her shut up.

Naruto pulled back the hammer as he said " I don't need to keep you alive _Kurenai, _I don't need to hold this gun, TO YOUR FUCKING SKULL!" Kurenai flinched as he yelled in her face, No MAN had ever yelled in her face, she was the one yelling into their faces. Naruto's hand shook as he tried to pull the trigger and end his troubles right now, but growled as his hands failed to pull the trigger before asking "why can't I shoot you?" Naruto looked into her eyes and asked again but she didn't have an answer.

Naruto looked into her beautiful crimson eyes that held nothing but fear and a little relief and said " this is not what I want Kurenai, no… I am teaching you a lesson and it wouldn't be right to kill you when you are so close to the truth." Kurenai frowned and asked " what is the truth? Is it what you believe or is it a state of enlightenment?" Naruto frowned and said " that is a woman's response, you are still seeing things in a haze. You can't see right from wrong because you still retain your false sense of it." Kurenai brought her knee up to hit the weak spot of any man but Naruto caught her leg with his own and said " listen to me Kurenai! I am not lying to you, why would I? so you can do what? Why would I even need you? Think about it… this is my goal Kurenai to make sure the people learn their lesson."

Kurenai breathing started to speed up and a tinge of red colored her cheek as he moved closer until his lips were an inch from her own. All the while thinking what his lips would feel like, what he would taste like and what his hands would feel like without his gloves if she let him touch her. Naruto noticed the change in Kurenai but ignored and smiled as he said " the lesson I want to teach you is that the people of this world are so… Spoiled! They don't know how to live except to kill, lie, steal, hate and avenge, progress in human humanity has stopped, no one will raise a peace flag and hold on to their word. Humanity needs an enemy, humanity needs a common goal, they need to come together and fight together."

Kureani's eyes widened in understanding as he nodded his head. Naruto smiled again as he said " you always were the smart one Kurenai and your right I am going to save them, I will give them hate, I will give them death, I will give them the drive to live and if they can beat me they will learn their lesson ,if not… whoever is alive after my hellish reign will be worthy enough to live in that new world." Kurenai understood but he was going about this the wrong way, why would he band enemies with an enemy if they might defeat him before his plan even begin.

Naruto chuckled and said " you are smart Kurenai I know what your thinking, how is some unimportant ninja going to start a revolution…." Kurenai waited patiently for an answer but Naruto let her go and said " you are getting in over your head, just make sure that you stay out of my way or else you might find yourself seven feet underground. Kurenai let go of the breath she didn't realize she was holding before she yelled "hey you bastard first you murder a whole family, then you pin me against a tree, you tell me your crazy plan and now you won't tell me how you are going to teach these people!"

Naruto shrugged his shoulders and said " I don't know why I told you about my plans Kurenai, but do what you want with them, even if you tell Tsunade I'll just leave the village and begin what I never told you." Kurenai put a serious face on as she said " I will tell the Hokage that you did the mission and that you fled." Naruto turned his head to look at her and smiled saying " you never helped me before but your helping me now… I am a little flattered at your actions just don't get to attached to Asuma he will die just like everyone else that aren't as lucky as you.

Before Kurenai could say anything Naruto jumped off the branch tossing his card at her before he fell into the darkness. Kurenai caught the card and a smile escaped her icy façade as she saw the joker of hearts in her hands. She looked at the darkness before she took off to the leaf to give Tsunade the report.

/ meanwhile/

Naruto ran through the dark towards wind country thinking " _thank you fate for giving me great first hand." _Naruto jumped over a low branch just to slip on a branch and fell on his ass. Naruto looked up at the sky before he raised his middle finger up at the moon saying "very funny."

/ end /

**Demonshadows: hey I just finished, thank you for reading and thank you to all reviewers.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Demonshadows: what's up I have to say to any one who is interested in my stories that I am putting The loyal ninja, the loyal master on hold for a little bit for personal reasons. So yeah here's another chapter of the card games that is my life. Good night. I don't own anything, just my stories and my ideas. And since I am in a crappy mood Itachi will be…**

Chapter 7: Staring them down

/Some hotel/

Naruto sat in the chair he was tied to, the ninja wire cutting into his skin. In front of him were two men, they were part of an organization called Akatsuki. They wore big straw hats that hid their faces and they wore black coats with red clouds on it. One was taller than the other with a large wrapped object on his back and was thicker than his smaller and thin looking companion.

Naruto sat staring up at them before his lips quirked into a smile before he said " I would like my phone call please." The bigger one punched Naruto's face before he said " who cares what you want jinchuuriki , when we take what we want you'll be dead so why call for help?" The smaller one raised a small well manicured hand against the bigger ones chest as a clearly feminine voice said "now now Kisame we don't want to beat up our guest."

The newly named Kisame growled and pointed a finger into Naruto's face saying " your getting off light you little fuck!" Naruto raised his head chuckling before he raised his head to meet Kisame's gaze a happy look in his eyes before saying " what is this the good shinobi, bad shinobi routine?" the woman raised an eye brow as she walked around the tied jinchuriki before saying " leave us Kisame I'll teach him a lesson." Kisame moved forward as if to argue but a raised hand stopped any noise.

Kisame grunted in recognition and walked to the door before opening it and leaving the room slamming the door. Naruto looked at the woman In front of him with s serious expression before asking " so… what so you want?" the woman laughed softly before she took off her hat letting her midnight black hair tumble down to her lower back. She moved the extra hair out of her face revealing red eyes with a shuriken like pupil. Naruto grinned like a mad man who knew all the answers before saying " I knew there was something about you when I first met you… Itachi Uchiha."

Itachi smiled, her red lips curling up in a knowing way… just like her mother. Naruto remembered the first time he met THE Itachi, captain of the ANBU, and he wanted to get to reacquainted with her by asking " Do you remember when I was four Itachi-Chan?… remember when I first met your mother?" Itachi nodded smiling before saying " that bitch tried to stop you from getting the shit kicked out of you." Naruto nodded saying "yeah, yeah about that I could never understand why you hated your mother so much."

Itachi rolled her eyes saying "she named me a boys name." Naruto chuckled lightly saying " that always cracked me up. Hahaha! Oh Itachi you son of a bitch!" Itachi reared back her fist and smacked him across the face causing him and the chair to fall back on the floor saying " don't call me that!" Naruto laughed out loud, the blood from his nose ignored at the hilariousness of the situation.

Itachi growled in anger before walking next to his face and kicked it making Naruto grunt in pain before he spat blood on her shoes before rasping out " your mother didn't deserve what she got, but… ha-ha, your father deserved it though, I hope you made him beg." Itachi frowned saying " that man wasn't my father and that woman was a liar, cheater and a horrible mother." Itachi grabbed the chair and pulled it back up looking directly into his eyes asking " why are you so serious?… you should smile more Naruto… Why so serious." Itachi pulled out a kunai and placed it between his lips.

Naruto's eyes widened as he said " this is not funny Itachi… you were always horrible with jokes." Itachi gave Naruto a sadistic grin before pulling the kunai at curved upward angle. Causing Naruto to scream in pain, another scream erupted from him as she did it to the other side. Naruto spat out the pooling blood in his mouth and yelled " you fucking bitch, your father should have killed you when you were six!"

Itachi's eyes widened as Naruto grinned the blood falling from his mouth before he said " yeah I read the Hokage's report off the desk when he left to get me candy… ha-ha! oh you should of read your psyche report, mentally unfit, delusional, occasionally thinks that her father almost killed her. Mmm… yeah you didn't know did you? that old man can be very sneaky Itachi-Chan, and worst of all he was weak. The council took all his authority, you think that he gave you the mission but no they did, Danzo and his little whore"

Itachi's eyes widened in shock before she said " he promised that I would be pardoned… if I did this for him… for everything." Naruto felt the Kyuubi healing the neatly cut flesh and the resulting scars from it and grinned saying " I guess we can agree to a mutual friendship… you release me and you can leave the Akatsuki and go wherever you want. All you need to do is untie my hands and kill Kisame then we can get out of here.

Itachi pulled up another chair and sat in it in front of him, propping her head on her hands with a small pout on her delicate face, before saying " you've got a way with words Naru-kun…. Think you can forgive me for the scars on your face?" Naruto grinned saying " you were always bad with jokes… I guess I can." Itachi pulled out the same kunai to scar Naruto's face and cut the ninja wire. Naruto stood cracking his neck and stretching his body earning many cracks. Itachi watched silently as he smoothed back his blond hair and slowly turned to face her.

Naruto looked at the woman in front of him, the one who had permanently scarred his face and said " unlike you Itachi I know how to tell a joke." Itachi's eyes widened as she realized he had tricked her. Naruto squeezed the pump in his jacket allowing the DT to cover the room. Naruto laughed as blood poured out her eyes, mouth, nose, and ears. She took a step forward, a hand to her throat the other reaching for him. Naruto calmed down and wiped a tear away from his eyes before pulling his jacket close to him and walking towards the door, his foot hit her shin as he passed her causing her to fall on her knees.

Naruto stopped as his hand grabbed the door knob, he turned his head and said "I do forgive you Itachi… HAHAHAHA!" Naruto threw a pack of explosive tag next to the corpse of Itachi, a little device on it. Naruto closed the door and walked down the stair case. Naruto got on the streets and looked around before he pressed the button on the remote in his hands. Suddenly the room he was trapped in blew up in flames causing the villagers to freak out and run around. Naruto saw Kisame round the corner and run right past him, Naruto let out a mad laugh that was lost in a sea of screams.

/ a year later, wave country/

Naruto walked through a kitchen dodging the moving workers. The past weeks had changed Naruto. It wasn't his clothing but his reputation, personality and his face, Naruto had had painted his face white and his lips along his scars red. Naruto's reputation had grown significantly as he had done many "odd" jobs. Ranging from assassination to pretty much anything and he did it all without flaw but only for the right price, and he killed the hunter nins that followed him and hung them from the highest building with a joker card in his pockets. But if the hunter ninja was from Konohagakure they were never seen again.

Most people call him the clown but the people who truly knew the carnage he could bring called him the joker not because he was funny… but because he wanted them to.

Naruto had found the jinchuriki of Shukaku in sand who was crazier than him but Naruto liked it like that It let him know that he wasn't that crazy. Naruto had gotten to know the Jinchuuriki Gaara as a good friend when he was calm. So Naruto had given him a plant that calmed people down but gave them the urge to eat. ( if you don't know what this is, you obviously haven't been in a 7/11 at three A.M in the morning looking at a frozen burrito like your looking into the eyes of god.)

He had also found the jinchuuriki of the Nibi Nii Yugito in Kumo… she was strong enough to almost make him get serious. She was also a close person to him and Gaara who viewed her as a big sister. Naruto had met her by accident when he was given a job by a local drug lord. It was the normal things kill a rival drug lord, but it seems that fate had led him to meet Yugito as she was the one to protect his target. Needless to say he had to sew his clothes again but not without completing his mission and getting the Jinchuuriki.

Naruto knew he could kill a lot of people if he wanted to and he could probably get away with it but he still had a dream to complete and he wouldn't stop until he could make his dream a reality. But a man could only do so much with the strength of one man, he needed connections and he knew how to do it… take control of the chaos elements of the world, the mob bosses. Who else would have more sure ninja's were good at stealth but to truly be hidden is to be seen yet not feared. That is why a bunch of Yakuza wouldn't bring any suspicion but he had to get into their wallets first.

Naruto stopped at the double doors where the current heads of crime were before smoothing back his hair and said " lets put a smile on their faces." Naruto heard some one say that if he left town no one would know where the stuff was hidden. Naruto chuckled as he pushed the doors open and started to walk to the desk all eyes on him. Their eyes widened considerably as they noticed who he was. One of them was not happy at the appearance of the joker standing up Asking " why are you here you stupid clown?… and give me one good reason why I shouldn't let my boy kill you right now."

Naruto took out a pencil and slammed it on the desk saying " how bout a magic trick I'll make this pencil disappear." The man standing up nodded to one of his men and the man charged him with a hidden knife. Naruto dodged the knife and grabbed his head, bringing it down on the pencil embedding it in his eye, then pulling him off the table saying " TAH-DAH! It's magic." the others stayed silent they didn't feel like getting a pencil in their eyes.

Naruto sat down in a chair licking his lips saying " A year ago you didn't have any troubles now the citizens of wave and this what he called… Mao Koshigaya is cracking down on you. What happened did you lose your balls? Hmmm? I know why you all having this meeting in the day and why your afraid to go out at night. It's that team of leaf ninja isn't it that have been busting all your guys." a man stood and asked " what do you suggest then Mr. Joker. Naruto grinned and said " my plan is simple… kill them." another of the man leaned back in his chair asking " if you can do such a thing why haven't you done it yourself?"

Naruto looked at the man seriously and said " if your good at something, then never do it for free." the man whi had asked the question asking how much?" Naruto grinned and said "half." the first man who stood and yelled said " how dare you think you could think you could steal from us and get away with it! Boys lets get rid of this clown freak." Naruto stood before opening his jacket revealing sixteen explosive tags saying " ah ah don't do that or you might yourselves blown away." Naruto took out a card and said "when you all want to get serious then just give me a call."

The man's face turned an angry res as he said " I am putting a hit out for you, two million yen for you dead, six million if your alive so I can teach you some manners." **(sorry I don't know what the currency equals to.) **Naruto backed away slowly before kicking the door behind him open and walking out. The mob boss picked up his card and saw only a joker with a location on it. The mob bosses filed out of the room thinking of the proposition of the Joker.

**DemonShadows: Who is the team of Leaf ninja? What is Naruto going to do next? Why did I include a scene from Batman the dark knight? Why are you listening to me? Why am I asking these questions? I hope you liked this chapter if not then I am sorry I am a little off for personal reasons…. Don't own jack except my stories and ideas so no sue me. **


	8. The Joker, The Team, and The Battle

**Demonshadows: Hello… commissioner…. Nah just joking I loved the batman movie. The joker is the ultimate villain and he is the ultimate anti-thesis to the batman, his opinion makes total sense to me and I hope it does to you. Here is the next chapter. I don't own anything except my stories and my ideas.**

**Kyuubi talking**

Naruto talking

_Naruto likes to think _

Chapter 8: The Joker, The Team, and The Battle

Naruto sat in a chair in an abandoned ware house pondering the world and all it's wonders, the massacre of the people, the robbing of the good and the evils of the poor, the right in man and the wrong that consumes him. Naruto turned his head seeing his second in command Gaara at the door, a look of neutrality was present on his face as he said " Night is coming captain." Naruto gave a small smile to his second and motioned for Gaara to leave, which Gaara did without question.

Naruto unsealed one thing he found in his travels to earth country, called a guitar and plucked a string hearing the note carry around the empty old ware house. Naruto looked up thinking " _Tonight is the night that I face a team of Leaf ninja's… I wonder if Kurenai is still alive? Maybe she is or else I might have to pay The leaf a visit." _

Kyuubi decided to interrupt her jailors thinking asking **"**__**why do you even care for that woman when you've got me?" **

Naruto grinned at the obvious jealously in her voice before he thought "_ I could never forget you My cute, fuzzy, warm, generous Princess of all that is evil." _

Kyuubi blushed at his compliments saying "**you sure know how to charm a girl, don't ya? **Naruto grinned but stayed silent plucking a couple of strings letting the sounds reverberate around the room. Kyuubi hummed a little with the tune that was slowly building. Naruto let the unknown music dance around the room letting Kyuubi have her fill of the beautiful music.

Naruto heard his third in command Yugito enter the room from the unlocked window slightly nodding her head in rhythm with the beat. Naruto slowly ended the beat asking "what news have you brought me young lady?"

Yugito let out an non lady like snort before saying " the stupid mob bosses have given into our terms and has promised us… half of their earnings, also that idiot who put a hit on you is now somewhere in the sea with some cement shoes." Yugito jumped down from her perch, landing in front of her captains desk on her knees before saying " Leaf ninja team are lead by Kurenai Yuuhei, Followed by chunin Shikamaru Naru, Chunin Sakura Haruno and Genin Sasuke Uchiha." Naruto's face turned sour and the air around the ware house went from a nice mild warm to a cold stale feeling.

Naruto turned to face to his Third Saying " that's not funny Yugito and I don't really appreciate you saying his name." Yugito gulped as he stood putting a hand in his pockets before pulling out a knife asking "are you sure that the little king of clubs is here Yugito or are you just losing your vision?" at the end of his question he had her pressed against the wall the knife next to her neck. Yugito frowned at the insult but she didn't dare to push off her captain.

She took a deep breath calming her nerves before saying "he was there and it seemed he has eyes for the Jonin Kurenai." Naruto grinned at the newly added statement releasing his third, before walking back to his chair laughing as if someone had told him the funniest thing in the world. The knife twinkled in the fading light as he twirled it around his hand before returning the knife to it's resting place. Naruto pulled out a deck of cards as he turned to his third, a look of unrelenting joy shining brightly in them making Yugito question her captains sanity.

Naruto took a deep breathe relaxing his body before saying "tell Gaara to move in and make sure that he doesn't go overboard with that coin of his." Yugito nodded in response but as she was going to ask where he would be, but he looked into her eyes and said " no, no that will simply not do, change of plans Yugito, we shall meet Gaara and then we shall see the pathetic Leaf team." Naruto only grinned as he heard Kyuubi mumble something about two faced feline sluts, who didn't know where there place is and other obscenities about cats.

Yugito had never been asked to go anywhere with the insane captain and a slight blush tinted her cheeks as she thought of this little outing of their's to turn into something a more intimate. She nodded as she said " I will follow you I need to test my new technique on someone anyway." Naruto nodded as he walked to the door opening it letting the cool mist bathe him in a blanket before he started moving to find the insignificant Uchiha and the beautiful rose that was Kurenai, with the deadly but beautiful flower that is Yugito.

/ some dirty location/

A half shadowed figure leaned against an old alley way wall behind the motel that the leaf team was currently inhabiting. The figure was obviously male, due to suit he was wearing and the obviously male hand that was flipping a double headed coin, with one side worn down. The hand stopped flipping the coin, catching it before raising his other hand and slamming it on the back of his hand showing the good side of the coin. A grunt of disappointment escaped the figure in response to the "unsuccessful" coin toss.

Naruto turned the corner of the alley way with fifty other thugs behind him, the street light barely revealed his face, but his ever present smile was crystal clear. "Ha, ha, ha… Gaara, how many times are we going to flip the coin until you finally realize that chance is always on my side until I am no longer useful." Gaara gave a small grunt before pushing himself off the wall but his face was still hidden by the shadows. Gaara looked up at the roof tops and flipped his coin again, his shoulders drooped as the coin was nice again.

A gruff voice came from the Gaara as he pulled out a .357 Magnum saying " I just can't win today, first I lose my bullet case, then I spent five hours trying to find my gun only for it to be in my hand and finally I can't even kill you." Naruto shrugged his shoulders before saying

"We all can't be winners Gaara but life is… full of surprises, who knows maybe you'll kill someone today."

Gaara stepped out of the shadows making Yugito thank Kami that Gaara wore his mask today. Gaara had blood red hair that spiked out in random directions on one side but was smoothed back on the other, his right side of his face was porcelain white, with sea green eyes, a sleek narrow nose and a half frowning mouth. The other side was covered by half a jokers mask with half of a grin, painted black, half a black nose and revealed a yellow eye that had a shuriken like pupil. The suit that he was wearing was colored a sandy yellow on the right half and colored a dark grey on the other with small tears and a few scorch marks.

Naruto pulled out two of his best pocket knives, flicking them in and out revealing the three inch blade, before admiring the little shine they held in the dark alley. Gaara flicked out the revolvers six shooting cartridge putting six shells into it before snapping it shut. Yugito pulled out a short Katana used for assassination and close quartered combat and used a small piece of diamond cloth to silently sharpen the blade. Suddenly Naruto looked up and said " no one touch Kurenai, but kill the other two." the thugs nodded putting on Clown masks before charging through the back door aiming for the two little ninja. Naruto put his hands up stopping his third and second in command before saying " relax, relax… the reason why we have goons is to let them do all the work." the two looked at each other and bowed their head in disappointment.

Five seconds later sixteen of their guys flew out of the window, slamming into the wall of the alley before falling down in front of Naruto. His third and second in command looked at Naruto with hope in their eyes and used the patented Puppy eye Jutsu. Naruto's shoulder and head drooped before raising a hand, pointing his knife to the door before saying "Go." Yugito and Gaara high fived and ran into the building, with guns and swords a blazing. Naruto just leaned against the wall pulling out a pack of smokes, putting one in his mouth lighting it up with a little fire manipulation in his fingers. Suddenly the upstairs windows exploded, the smell of gasoline and burning paper filled the air. Naruto took another drag of his smoke before flicking it saying " if you want something done right, do it yourself."

Naruto pushed himself off the wall and started his little trip to meet his dazzling little rose form the leaf, tossing his knife back and forward between his hands.

/ Meanwhile in the motel/

Gaara sat behind a wall hearing the repeated thud of kunai's hitting the wall and the cursing from Yugito as she tied the last stick of pure black gun powder to make a seven stick bomb. Gaara reloaded his gun before flipping his coin showing heads, he sighed as he stood and counted the amount of weaponry being thrown, timing the time between objects being thrown and the speed that the little Uchiha could throw. After getting the timing down, Gaara took a deep breath and just as the Uchiha's last barrage hit the wall, he made a break down the hall shooting twice hitting the edge of the Uchiha's cover making sure that the Uchiha wouldn't surprise him. Suddenly the hall transformed into a red world where he couldn't move, he felt the cold touch of a Kunai against his throat and the soft whisper of " Die you beast." Gaara grinned before he collapsed into sand.

Kureani looked around confused only to be tackled into another room and hit on the head knocking her out. Yugito stood over the fallen Kurenai and panting hard the smoke was starting to get to her. Her sword came up blocking the kunai slash from Sakura who's monstrous strength was starting to get annoying. Yugito's lips pulled up into a cruel snarl as she said " little fools like you should know their place." before Sakura could respond Yugito pushed Sakura away before running after her sheathing her blade into the woman's shoulder smiling as Sakura let out a shout of pain.

Gaara held the gun to the Uchiha's head, a cruel smirk plastered on the right side of his face. Gaara pulled back the trigger before taking out his coin saying " your lucky that the boss doesn't want you dead but… today I don't feel like giving him the satisfaction of killing a weak little Uchiha so I'll do it for him." Gaara flipped his coin but just as It was about to land a gloved hand caught it and another hand punched Gaara across his face knocking Gaara through a wall.

Sasuke looked up from the downed figure of the man who was about to kill him, to see a masked covered man in the shape of a bat. In a gruff voice the man said " come with me if you want to live." Sasuke grabbed the offered hand and the man and started to run away with him without even thinking about his teammates and their mission to protect wave.

Gaara stood up rubbing his head shaking it a little as his mask started to reform on his face. Thinking "_I hate that little batboy, he always sucker punches me."_

His musing was interrupted as Naruto entered the room chuckling with a woman in his arms before saying " I hate that eight tailed Joker but without him we would be out of the job." Naruto walked to the windows before kicking one out saying " come on Yugito… Gaara it's time to leave this shack and get to the base." Yugito appeared out of no where with the unconscious Sakura and nodded. Gaara stood up and nodded in agreement before following Naruto out of the window and holding his ears as Yugito threw the seven stick bomb into the burning building. Causing it to explode in flames and smoke and making Naruto laugh an insane laugh as they disappeared into the night.

**Demonshadows: hey yo what's up just finished today so I hope you are all happy so peace people. I don't own anything but my stories and my ideas. Also if your pissed about the batman and me making the eight tailed demon a bat I am not sorry I just thought it would add a little bit of flavor. **


	9. yo slap

**Demonshadows: Its taken a long time but I think I'm ready to write again. Seriously man. Please to all my readers forgive the long long hiatus. Here's an update to the card game that is my life. I don't own anything. I don't own anything. Also this is just an in between chapter that I put in to get familiar with the story and I just felt like something funny should happen. This guy is a joker. So no judging its pretty funny.**

Chapter….. I forget

Naruto sat bored the whole mission to kill the leaf ninja had been a bust. Everything that could've gone wrong did. "Murphy's law "grumbled the irritated joker leaning back in his chair. Yugito his third came up and humped before using her sheath to tip her bosses feet a little higher causing the Joker to fall Flat on his back with a dull thud. She looked over the desk when he didn't get up. Naruto shot straight up and screamed " Slap!" Yugito felt dread as she felt the gloved hand of one Naruto Uzumaki A.K.A The Joker fly directly from one cheek to the other. Causing her to immediately to do a 180 her whole body tilting at an angle before she collapsed on the floor as straight as a board. Naruto high fived his second in command and screamed "that's two!"

Gaara immediately said "as slap bet commissioner I deem the slap worthy." Yugito looked up tears barely being held back as she said "dude your hand is monstrous!"

Naruto grinned causing a very crude attempt at a smile as he asked "What do you expect? You've seen my penis." Gaara high fived again congratulating his boss on a mighty comeback. To really understand such a moment in time you have to go back to when this all started.

/Flashback no Jutsu/

_It was a boring day in the safe house, naruto had a visible palm notebook in his palm with a pencil he quickly licked the tip of before checking off things he had already done that week. It was more a month thing but his motto was "if you're not doing anything you're doing something wrong". Raped rapists with kunai , check, capture innocents and ask for ransom and survive…. Naruto looked over at the few missing men and said "I guess", check, steal from dangerous mob bosses and walk out laughing…. Well shit, why'd I put that on there I did that last week. Okay, well save an orphan. Check, kill batboy….. Nope haven't done that yet. That was long term and if he ever got bored. _

_Naruto was about to get on with the list but Yugito the ever pleasant rose bitch stole it from him saying " come one Naru-sama lets do something fun"._

_Naruto liked his fellow jokers but he knew they got bored if they weren't killing or causing some other trouble. Well today he decided that he should take a break, crime happens everyday breaks came never. So he decided to do something that he and Gaara had done one night when they got wasted, slap bet. Slap bet was simple. The two or more competitors would bet on an already past event and they would either A. say it happened? Or B. say it didn't. The slap bet commissioner was the one who regulated the rules and would always be impartial to all members. The event chosen was one of another party of both's unanimous choosing. Once proposed the slap bet is more binding than a wedding ring. Well once Naruto proposed this to Yugito she immediately agreed I mean how often do you get a chance to slap someone in the face. Gaara immediately was made slap bet commissioner. The topic whether or not Gaara had been a Porn Star before his "accident". Immediately Yugito said "no Way" Naruto chuckled at the now fidgeting Gaara and said "well I guess Gaara you did porn before MUWAhAHAhAHAHAAHHAAHA!" the laugh creeped out everyone who heard it. _

_It was two days later that Yugito showed up one day and slammed a box of porn on the sleeping Naruto rudely waking him from his time with Kyuubi who was very pissed at the Cat container for a missed climax. Naruto growled as he said "that better be the leaf Hokage's head in that fucking box." Yugito's Cheshire grin grew bigger and said "I got something even better. I Win!" _

_Naruto jaw closed by the sheer force of Yugito Slapped him across the face and forced his head through his desk. Gaara who had been sleeping at this time woke up violently his gun firing in every direction before running out of bullets. His breaths coming out in short angry gasps. He walked toward the now destroyed desk and asked a life changing question "What the FUCK! Is going on?"_

_Yugito smiled in triumph and yelled "I win, if you weren't a virgin you wouldn't have all this porn under your BED!" _

_Gaara slapped his forehead and said" that porn is not mine." Yugito could only shiver as she heard the small sarcastic laugh of Naruto as he rose from his desk a demon mask on his face, mist escaping from the mouth of the mask and a dark background instantly appeared giving Naruto a demon like Aura. Yugito eeped and ran behind Gaara using him as a human shield if need be. _

_Naruto smiled and said when you were barging in here, I was taking a nap after a long night of searching for evidence of Gaara's dirty little secret. And look at what I found. Yugito and Gaara could only look on in horror as Naruto pulled out a projector/ DVD player from his pockets and turned off the lights before clicking play. As the dvd loaded naruto smiled as he said " I had to spend four million just for shipping and handling alone for this little rare never before scene film, well not seen in this country, but still never seen film of Gaara doing the dirty. The projector lit up the entire wall of the safe house and then at that moment Yugito was momentarily blinded by a white male ass as he was giving a girl the "Business" _

_Yugito's hair bristled and yelled "you can't even see if it's Gaara or not! At this moment a phone rang next to the bed stand in the film and clearly you could hear Gaara's voice saying "hello yes, this is Gaara…. Yeah my social is blaslsldldsaaidaisdnidfijg, *(can't use any of that but it is Gaara's)* yeah mmh hmm. Hold on." Then Gaara looked into the Camera and said "hey we gotta cut my other job is waiting on me. *jsjsldld* yeah man that blond haired dude." Gaara pulled up his pants and left through a door. Then the film stopped. _

_Naruto looked at the horrified face of Yugito and said " oh slap bet commissioner someone had gave a slap prematurely." Gaara nodded and looked at the tearing Yugito and said " by law you are now offered an ultimatum. 1. Boss gets to slap you ten times as fast as he can now or You get five slaps at random points in time." _

_Yugito then made the biggest mistake of her life, she did what every shinobi is trained not to do… she panicked and chose what seemed the fastest and smallest way of getting hit. She yelled " the second one I choose the second one!" Gaara shook his head as he looked behind her. Yugito slowly turned around and heard one word. "Slap". With a herculean effort Naruto slapped Yugtio into the wall knocking her out cold. That didn't stop her from cyring though. Gaara's eyes bulged in his head and he asked "how did you do that"_

_Naruto grinned and said "I've been practicing on trees." To emphasize he smacked the support girder of the safe house and knocked it off its hinges. The whole building started to collapse. Gaara had tick marks on his head. Sometimes his boss was just plain stupid. _

_/ Kai/_

Naruto nodded at the tears that Yugito was holding in with great effort. And then dramatically pointed at her saying "you just got slapped."

**Demonshadows: Hope you guys enjoyed a good laugh, I did. Well hopefully this will give me the nudged to diligently keep up. I'll see you on the flip side. Peace. Also don't own anything. **


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